Thursday March 24, 2016

Tonglu orphanage: The return.

Today was our trip to Olivia’s orphanage. As I alluded to yesterday, we were a bit in the dark as to what exactly was in store for us, as we struggled to get a straight answer regarding whether we were going to be visiting the orphanage in an official capacity or in an unsanctioned one. So, like many things in China, the truth remains elusive to this day, even in hindsight. The facts are that we did indeed go to Olivia’s orphanage, we also did, to be sure, meet with the director of Olivia’s orphanage, and we finally, as it happens, we did take a tour of the orphanage itself. Yet, as I understand it, none of these facts constitute the makings of an “offical” visit. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Let’s back up a bit.

As I’ve alluded, we went to Olivia’s orphanage after meeting Yolanda at the hotel this morning. After a bit of a mishap with Aelex’s water bottle exploding in her bag that rendered about $1000 worth of consumer electronics into lumps of plastic and metal suitable for nothing more than landfill, we were on our way. As Dorothy peppered Yolanda with questions, trying to pin down the exact nature of our trip, Yolanda continued to assure us that no matter what, we were going to get into the orphanage. As it turns out, she was as good as her word.

The trip to Tonglu took about an hour. The place we arrived in had no resemblance to the one we remembered from our last visit a decade ago. Here was a city, sparkling and teeming, with wide, paved roads, tall buildings, and manicured greenery. When compared to the dusty hamlet we remembered, this was a totally different place. Yolanda told us that Tonglu was the fulfillment center for Alibaba.com which certainly explained the transformation. Yet, like most things, not just in China, but also in life, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Case in point is our visit to a small convenience store just before our arrival to purchase some small gifts of notebooks, pens, pencils, markers, etc. to give to the children in the orphanage. In the store, Yolanda fell into a conversation with the man behind the counter. She pulled out her phone and started inputting some information as the guy waved his arms emphatically. There are times where I still struggle to disentangle the intensity of Chinese conversation, unable to parse friendliness from confrontation. This was one of those times. However, as it turns out, the conversation was a productive one. Yolanda asked the shopkeeper exactly where the orphanage was, and in addition to giving her directions, he also told her that his cousin worked there and that if we ran into any difficulty gaining access to give him a call (hence: entering his phone number into her’s) and he would straighten it all out for us. China is always full of surprises.

We were literally up the street from the orphanage so we presently arrived and fortunately did not need to take our shopkeeping friend up on his offer as Yolanda was quickly able to negotiate our entrance past the front gate security checkpoint. We went into the main building — which was not the building that we remembered from when last we were here as the complex had moved to a new location literally up the street — walked to the front desk where Yolanda proceeded to leverage her sublime negotiating skills yet again to explain our situation.

After a few minutes of back and forth the orphanage director was summoned and appeared. She saw Olivia and quickly recognized her, legitimately happy to see her again. It seems that there are bureaucratic minefields which need to be negotiated in order to gain official access to any government building in China. This happens at levels far above ourselves, and apparently above even the director of the orphanage. She was very careful how she explained the situation — and Yolanda was equally as careful in how she translated — but it seemed as though there would be some limitations on our visit and we would push up agains those lines, but we would not be crossing them under any circumstances. What this practically meant was two things: 1. we were not going to be able to see Olivia’s original adoption file, and 2. we would not be allowed to see any of the other children still in the orphanage. While both limitations were extremely disappointing, we refused to let them put a damper on the journey we had come so far to experience. As for Olivia, she was quite content to be fawned over by the orphanage staff, many of whom remembered her, and wasn’t in the least bit bothered by the lack of some paperwork.

The people in the orphanage could’t have been nicer to us. The director did show us around as much as she felt comfortable doing, in both the new building and taking us down the street to see Olivia’s old home, from the outside at least. We were also treated to a simple, but tasty, lunch in the employee cafeteria, where we were the center of attention but not in an awkward way, as everyone smiled and spoke pleasantly to us. Just as lunch ended, an older woman came into the cafeteria who must have heard through the grapevine that Olivia was in the building and rushed over to Olivia to embrace her, smiling ear to ear. We were told that this was one of Olivia’s primary caretakers and she was thrilled to see a child she had probably never expected to see again in her life. It was a very touching moment. Olivia, in spite of spending the first 6 years of her life in China, has almost no recollection of her time here. There are both physical and psychological reasons for the loss of almost all memory of her early life, but in spite of lack of recall, Olivia seemed quite at ease among the people who remembered her even if she couldn’t return the favor.

Universally, there was general surprise (read: disappointment) that Olivia has not retained any of the Chinese language she was so fluent in when we adopted her at 6 years of age. They were also concerned that Olivia had decided to wear a dress on this chilly day, having not bundled up in multiple layers instead having nothing between her and the elements but a pair of sheer tights. Dorothy had warned her that this was going to be an issue, but Olivia was adamant that she wanted to wear her dress. With great foresight, Dorothy had brought an extra pair of pants for Olivia who eventually decided to put them on rather than continue to be met with borderline horror once everyone realized her legs were at least partially bare.

We engaged in some pleasant conversation with the director and her staff and answered many questions about Olivia’s life and continued development. And even though we were unable to get all of the information that we had come so far for, the visit was quite worthwhile if for no other reason than to have Olivia bask in the glory of attention from the people who cared for her before we were ever able to.

Eventually it was time to say our goodbyes and return to the hotel in Hangzhou. Everyone was exceedingly warm and wished us continued good luck with Olivia and expressed great appreciation that we had brought her back to see where she had come from. And with that, we were off.

One last bit of positive news however. For anyone who remembers our trip to adopt Olivia back in 2006, you might recall that we met with a local news crew that had been documenting Olivia’s development for several years prior to her adoption. The cameraman was the last person we saw before boarding the plane home back then. In the ensuing years we had tried, always fruitlessly, to track this man down to hopefully get access to any pictures or video that he might have had of Olivia’s life before we met her. The gap in her recorded history does not go unnoticed as Olivia has asked us in the past why we only have baby picture of Aelex and Matthew in our house but not of her. It’s heartbreaking to have to explain the reasons why this is the case, and we know she finds no comfort in the explanations.

So the upside of all of this, is that Dorothy, with Yolanda’s help, was able to track down, call, and actually speak to the cameraman once we got back to the hotel! He was thrilled to hear from us, and gave assurances that he was going to meet up with us tomorrow so he could see Olivia again and would bring along any pictures that he still had after all of these years. In spite of the few disappointments of the day, this exciting news made up for all of it.

We now eagerly await tomorrow when we meet, once again, Olivia’s chronicler and hopefully get some additional insight into our daughter’s early life in the time before we met her. More to come anon.

Taking all the silver linings we can get…